What helped you control your anger today
This “magic spell” will help you to be less angry and stressed out in the future
There are countless situations that can upset us.
In this article, I'll introduce you to a phrase that will instantly reduce your anger.
It's a simple question that you can ask yourself every time you get angry in the future or other people are stressing you.
After that, the world will look different for you.
The effect of this sentence is so enormous that one would have to say that it is a spell.
Are you curious?
Before I reveal the sentence to you, let's take a quick look at the situations in which it works well.
Which situations can really upset you?
Something different annoys everyone. Here are a few examples, some of which you are sure to know:
- Someone takes the right of way or snatches the parking lot away from you.
- Your monthly public transport ticket is at home and you get caught and have to pay.
- A customer takes out their bad mood on you.
- A friend is half an hour late.
- You have to work again on the weekend because colleagues are sick.
- You are stuck in a traffic jam for 3 hours.
- The shoes that you would like to have are no longer available in your size.
- An excursion literally falls into the water because of the weather.
- A colleague ate your yogurt from the office refrigerator.
- A seller doesn't bother with you in the store.
- Your neighbor pretended not to see you in the street.
- Someone on the train is making an extremely loud phone call.
- A client lets you fidget for a long time.
- You sit down on your glasses case and it cracks.
- When you look in the mirror in the morning, you discover a large pimple on your face.
Perhaps you recognized yourself in some of these situations, or you may have thought of your own recent situations.
Anger is fine, but ...
All of these things can rightly annoy you. So intense that you blush with anger, your pulse goes to 180, that you doubt the good upbringing of others, that you may even assume that they have bad intentions.
But sometimes you really get into it. Then you do a lot to ensure that the anger lasts for a long time and maybe even gets bigger. For example, by constantly brooding over it, mentally playing through the situation over and over and telling others about it.
Get me right: it's perfectly fine to be angry.
The question is always: How much energy and attention do I want to invest in the situation? So this is about responsibility to yourself.
After all, our energy is limited.
It's like a flashlight. If I keep turning it on, the battery will be dead when I really need it. Anger drains our batteries.
The problem is also: getting angry usually doesn't help. The situation is finally over. And cursing or even cursing the other person (or yourself) doesn't get any better.
You can talk to people from your own environment. You can tell the colleague who ate away the yoghurt or the friend who came too late or who moved you how you think about it and what it does to you.
And you should do that too, so as not to eat into yourself the anger and so that the other has a chance to change his behavior.
But if someone snatches the parking lot from us, there will be little benefit in trying to talk to them about our feelings. 😉
And our feelings will also be irrelevant to our own shrewdness (forgot monthly ticket) or the weather (excursion into the water).
So what can you do in the future in situations in which the anger overwhelms you or does not let go of you or in situations that stress you and put you under pressure?
Now the “magic spell” comes into play.
Ask yourself:Is that still important for me in a year?
Wow! Perhaps even now, while reading, you can feel the ease that this question can trigger. All of a sudden a lot of ballast can fall from you.
Most things are not (soooo) important at all.
Often we make it artificially important at that moment, precisely because we are so intensively involved with it and continue to pump energy into it.
The question “Will this still be important for me in a year?” Can help you to perceive what happened in a realistic way.
There are 2 possible answers to the "magic question"
In most situations you will probably say: “No, in a year it will no longer be important to me. I have probably even forgotten it by then. "
Let's be completely honest: How many snatched parking spaces and yoghurts that have been fed away do you really remember? How many bad-tempered customers and unmotivated salespeople do you remember correctly?
So if you assume that the situation will no longer be important to you in a year's time, then you can ignore it now. Why should you get upset now when it will soon no longer mean anything to you?
Get angry. But short. And make sure that you don't feed your anger any further.
However, if you assume that the situation will still be important to you in a year from now, then you should take action in a constructive way. The “magic question” can be a filter for anger and stress.
For example, it could be that the friend is not only late this time, but is doing it all the time. Not only does it annoy you that you have to wait, but it hurts you in the meantime. You may find it disrespectful and fundamentally doubt the friendship.
It cannot go on like this, of course. Talk to him. Make it clear to him how you see and feel this. Give him the chance to understand you and change.
If that doesn't work and the friendship continues to crumble, you can of course end it.
Even if it may be painful, such decisions are better in the long run than getting annoyed all the time.
If the broken glasses case and glasses are still important to you in a year from now - for example, because high costs have been incurred - it is worthwhile to better understand how this could happen and how this can be prevented in the future.
So this is about a constructive analysis and prophylaxis.
The damage cannot be reversed. But you can make sure that it does not repeat itself if possible.
You can use the “magic question” as a filter to use your energy wisely and to say goodbye to anger and stress more quickly.
Bottom line: It's perfectly fine to be aware of your negative feelings and let them out too. It's not about suppressing them at all. The only thing that matters is that you don't invest too much energy in what happened. When a person annoys you, it is usually worth saying something so that something changes (in the future). If that doesn't work, or if you are responsible for your anger and stress, ask yourself: “Will this still be important for me in a year's time?” Use the question like a filter. If the answer is “no”, act already now and deal with other things again. If the answer is "yes", you know that you should do something.
With this in mind, I wish you a good and, above all, trouble-free time!
If you feel like it, please write me your strategies against anger. And if you ever use this "magic question", I am curious what it has done for you.
PS: By the way, I believe that 90 percent of the time you will answer the “magic question” with “no”. Most of the anger and stress just arises within ourselves. We are responsible for our thoughts and feelings. The good thing about it is that it gives us control over how to change something.
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