What do you think makes things beautiful

10 things we don't have to do at all

Often we think we have to do certain things. We do not even question whether this is really the case. Here are 10 things we can safely do without.

1. Justify yourself

Through justification, we try to explain an action that we believe is right. Should not we. Because think about it: how do you feel when you justify yourself? How does the other person see you? Why do you think you have to give the other person an explanation or even an apology? Just let it be. Communicate the facts and simply leave out postscripts that begin with “because”, “there” or “but”.

2. Apologize

It is often the same with apologies. On the one hand, they are important in order to come to terms with the other person after a conflict, argument or misunderstanding. But we don't have to apologize at all costs. Only do it if you mean it.

3. Forgive and sponge about it

How many times have we heard and read it: "Forgiveness makes you free." Forgiveness makes us better people - not necessarily for others, but for ourselves. At least that's what the guides say. Those who forgive will be happy. That can be true sometimes. But there are situations that are so bad that you really ask yourself: "I beg your pardon, should I ever forgive that?" Instead of struggling with the guidebooks, which give fluffy instructions on how to better manage to forgive sometimes serious injuries and offenses, simply save yourself the torture. You can also consciously say “I will never forgive you!” And draw a line and the consequences. It is often more honest to live.

4. Have good relationships with parents and the whole family

The parental home plays a major role in every therapeutic process. How much were you loved by your father and mother, what messages did they give you? It is quite normal that not everything is okay. And it is part of being an adult to accept the past, to set yourself apart from your parents and to say: “This is your package, this is mine. And everyone wears his own. "
On the other hand, it is just the case that we cannot choose our families. It can happen that the influence of parents - or other family members - vehemently blocks adults in their self-being. Often, serious border crossings have occurred or occur again and again, and even after a long effort it is not foreseeable that a change will appear. Again and again one comes across the lack of insight of the parents or the family. Then, yes then: Then we can and must break off contact with the parents or relatives. Without feeling bad about it.

5. Putting others first

Yes, it is important to be there for others. We shouldn't all mutate into ego pigs and go over corpses for our other benefit. After all, everything has its limits. Yet there is a reason healthy selfishness can be so good. The fact is: people come and go, but the relationship with oneself will always remain. So it's time to put ourselves first. From this perspective, you can still take the others into consideration ...

6. Self-love

Everywhere we are told: “Just love yourself as you are, then everything will be fine.” But is it really always that easy, and do we really have to love ourselves unconditionally with every fiber? Or are we allowed to have things that we just don't like about ourselves at all? Yes, we can. And that's good. Because self-love is not the key to all-embracing happiness. And it's not as easy to implement as I said. So it's okay not to unconditionally love yourself always and everywhere. And: The others are also called upon to do their part to ensure that we work together.

7. Lose weight

Summer is approaching - have you reached your bikini figure after a nutritious winter with lots of recipes and sweet presents? Do you already fit into the scheme? Are you already meeting the expectations? If not: congratulations! You did the right thing.
In fact, diets are only needed when health requires it. Or when, deep down, we are uncomfortable with our own weight. And not because emaciated model hunger pangs present us with the latest bikinis with their washboard bellies in the catalogs. These ladies are models and being thin is part of their job. But not every person in the world is a model. Apart from that, people who enjoy themselves are usually the ones you can have more fun with anyway. And that’s what matters in life, right?

8. Make a career

It's unbelievable what women (and men too!) Can achieve today. They are highly educated, toil their life in stressful jobs for companies that do not even belong to them and also rock children, household and relationships. You also look great! Do they have to because, after all, looks are part of every success - right?
No wrong. It's a total failure: These people just miss a nervous breakdown every day and also say to themselves “Who cares - that's life!” There are also said to be a number of cases that even as a single parent struggled to bring these insane tasks to the row and climb higher and higher up the career ladder. It was clear that there was no time for yourself - but why time for yourself, for leisure, fun and happiness? Yes, I can already say why: Because it's your life. And you only have one thing.

9. Be reasonable

Reason is something like once the strict mother was to the small child. If you follow reason, you don't feel happier, but you can feel this appreciative pat on the back: “Bravo, well done! You have decided against joy, but nothing can happen to you now. That's how it should be, that's how it should stay! ”Think. Show your reason the cold shoulder and don't always let it control your decisions. The best things sometimes come out of something completely unreasonable.

10. Be straightforward

Men like uncomplicated women, it is said in guidebooks with titles such as “How to find the man who stays with you” or “This is how he falls in love with you”. This is how prototypes of “the cool woman” are created, who, always with a confident smile on their face, read every wish in the eyes of the freedom-loving man and let him do whatever he wants at any time without complaining. With her or without her. Just let him not feel trapped or feel compelled to make any commitment that in a relationship can be equated with “getting involved”, “taking responsibility” or “caring for other people”. That's the cool, straightforward woman.

Such books, like women, get frown lines on my forehead. Such nonsense between two book covers that is being sold for money. First of all, it doesn't really matter what “men want”, because you can never please those whom women can never please, without putting yourself at the bottom. Second, practice has long since proven the opposite. That relationships only become interesting when rough edges emerge. On both sides.

Man or woman: We really don't have to adjust or bend ourselves, just so that we don't get on other people's nerves. No: We should and must stand up for ourselves. For everything that is important to us and that is close to our hearts. It may well be that this often becomes really uncomfortable for others. Who cares. It's not our problem.


We encounter messages and regulations about what we have to do and what not to do in order to be “good people”. Often they are also anchored deep in our heads as so-called “beliefs”. When we look at what we don't have to do, we notice how colorful and easy life suddenly becomes. Try it out!


Photo credit: iStock / SIphotography